life confronts us with choices from one extreme to another. i find myself waking day after day struggling to maintain cohesiveness in the face of the natural desire to just sleep in all day and let the flows of life form around me into the past.
i find myself thinking about her often, of how she smells, how she smiles, how she laughs at my asinine proclivities. i find myself wondering what exactly am I doing to myself as I sit here late at night with work a mere 4 hours away.
i want her to know that she makes everyday easier, better, worth more for me, simply through her inclusion in any way in it. a smile slides into place, lock step syncrohinzed with the email or the note or the letter or the text, just a four letter word; baby.
she makes me want to visit texas again, and grab her, and steal her away onto my path. i'd think she'd make a good companion as long as she stayed out of the sun too long, what with her penchant to burn at the merest glance of the sun.
she calls me dashing, but i think i'm just a man comprised of rash confessions compiled like a mamushka russian doll, with desires inside of desires with a kernel of hope at the middle.
saturday night, i wanted to tell her all these things, but my fear, my learned reluctance to open up too much, to say too much, to feel too much; shut me down and pushed me away as she yawned and talked to me.
i think things are coming to a crux, and maybe things are starting to open inside of me that i had thought rusted shut, and i pray that i will be strong enough to maintain it as i find strength through my words. as miasmic they might be!
regardless, i'm a silly boy who is enchanted by a girl who i haven't even met.